What is the real essence of solitude? Why is it considered wrong? Lately I've been hypersomniac, but I am not going to rush into diagnostics until the 2 weeks pass. It bothers me because the usual 8 1/2 hrs of sleep turn into endless, no matter how much I sleep, I never get to feel awake.
I refuse the idea of depression. But one may wonder why I am refusing almost any social contact. I am partly antisocial. Besides, I am known for often being a bastard. I enjoy spending time alone, but in the same time, I abhor it. I abhor the idea of another Christmas in front of my monitor, watching again the Alien, Predator and AVP series, imagining how it would be if I opened myself to contact with other people, if I became less picky and screwed at least the 6th man that I see as slightly attractive.
In a way I feel great, but in another way it is terrible. People push me into socializing with them and I don't want to. They sometimes feel offended that I am always busy, but in reality I am rarely busy. I am just not in the mood for conversations or going out.
And I don't talk about those that I dislike, but about those people with whom if I went out, I'd feel good. Even if I know I'd feel good, I still refuse to socialize.
Why don't you fucking understand that and stop accusing me of anything? If you knew the source of my refuse, you'd stop presuming. An invitation starting with "I know you're antisocial, but I think we should meet for a ..." would most of the times result in a meeting. Words mean a lot sometimes.
But the usual "Hey wanna go out" will mostly never work. The thought does not appeal to me. When a person realizes what I am and offers an invite, then it might become appealing.