13.12.08

Quintessence


What is the real essence of solitude? Why is it considered wrong? Lately I've been hypersomniac, but I am not going to rush into diagnostics until the 2 weeks pass. It bothers me because the usual 8 1/2 hrs of sleep turn into endless, no matter how much I sleep, I never get to feel awake.

I refuse the idea of depression. But one may wonder why I am refusing almost any social contact. I am partly antisocial. Besides, I am known for often being a bastard. I enjoy spending time alone, but in the same time, I abhor it. I abhor the idea of another Christmas in front of my monitor, watching again the Alien, Predator and AVP series, imagining how it would be if I opened myself to contact with other people, if I became less picky and screwed at least the 6th man that I see as slightly attractive.

In a way I feel great, but in another way it is terrible. People push me into socializing with them and I don't want to. They sometimes feel offended that I am always busy, but in reality I am rarely busy. I am just not in the mood for conversations or going out.

And I don't talk about those that I dislike, but about those people with whom if I went out, I'd feel good. Even if I know I'd feel good, I still refuse to socialize.

Why don't you fucking understand that and stop accusing me of anything? If you knew the source of my refuse, you'd stop presuming. An invitation starting with "I know you're antisocial, but I think we should meet for a ..." would most of the times result in a meeting. Words mean a lot sometimes.

But the usual "Hey wanna go out" will mostly never work. The thought does not appeal to me. When a person realizes what I am and offers an invite, then it might become appealing.

2 comments:

Michael said...

Don't worry, you're not the only one who feels most of the time like the person "which makes the world population odd".

I used to go out with everybody who asked me because I wanted to escape from my 4 wall room (prison). At some point I realized that few people are worth it.

You don't need to tell people that you dislike socializing. They usually learn this from the first conversation. It's like having it written on your forehead and no matter how hard you try, you just can't erase it. If they still want to talk, it means that they understand you.

As strange as it might sound, from my point of view, most intelligent people lack social skills.

Alluriah said...

i still stay inside in my bed doing whatever and sleeping.....messenger is always on although i rarely talk to anyone, i deleted my vf and hi5 accounts...i have no patience to make friends...i hate most of the people i already know...is there something wrong with that? no it`s just the way i am...people already know and don`t bother bothering...