21.4.09

The End Of Nothing In Particular

College. It is the moment when it is close to the end. But the only end I feel is the end of me saying that I am in college. Call me heartless, I will agree. There is not even one friendship that I kept from this college. I wonder if the problem is me. And if it is, go to the previous entries in this blog.

I didn't have a "group of friends" like every normal person did. When I did, it was for a short period; as well as when I [thought I] had a real friend, it turned out to be bullshit. DiNosey said just some moments ago that I "give all or nothing". It's so true. But it isn't only about me here. Because I have tried. One person who came close to me, left. So I take it that even if it was supposed to happen for me to find a friend, something had to appear to fuck it up.

All I got from there were acquaintances. I can say that I have some pleasant memories as well, but most of the memories are of me going there and seeing others in groups, sitting on the stairs and listening to music, alone.

I have no sadness that I am leaving college, except for me not saying that I am a student anymore. What brought another feeling of enstrangement was the sudden change of location which occurred in the last semester. I could've at least remained with the memory of the previous place to which I went so many times, but that was taken away, too.

Thus, I leave this place, expressionless, the way I left so many things lately, with the same "state". I believe that I could've survived if I were an Equilibrium character with nothing to make me "give all".

1 comment:

Alluriah said...

for me, i can`t wait for this year to end...i made no friend and this college only made me hate people and capitalism more...i don`t even try anymore (to make friends that is)..i spent 2 years working and the rest dodging idiots...learned nothing new (in school) so...fuck it all.rather stay indoors..