16.10.09

Refuse (Resist)


I don't get attached to people anymore. People tire me, no matter how nice our relationship is. My best friend, she is the one that could never tire me (and whenever we fight from little things because we stayed together too much, we make up and feel awesome). Family doesn't count, family is a part of ME. I am talking about people I meet, people I am obliged to spend time with... In a way it's good, for I used to give my feelings away for a little in return and always get disappointed.

I am in the stage where it is my interest above all, whether it's to have a company when I do something or simply just like that. But this doesn't mean that I don't give a damn, it means that I am not looking for friendship. I wouldn't reject one person if it would be the case, but the few last years, whenever I trusted a person, they disappointed me. So I prayed to my God to give me the strength to simply not attach myself and it happened. I have a friendship that I would not trade for anything else. I have a few other friends [2], but the rest of the people who ever expect me to get attached will wait in vain.

I learnt to socialize without thinking that everytime someone gets close to me, it means something real. And surprise, now people crave to get inside my mind and my heart. I don't need that. What I need is someone I can't resist and so far, I have resisted everyone and I am resisting whoever I couldn't, before. I have resisted an ultimate proposition from a man I loved for 3 years because I knew I'd suffer for years after the 1 hour of glory. I am constantly resisting and it's not because I plan to anymore, it's how my mind got educated. But this craving that people has is tiring me.

I am the kind of person who likes to choose when to do something and to make the first step. I always lose interest if a person comes to me and offers him/herself. I am the kind of person who will go at the end of the subway station whenever I see someone familiar, because I hate to be bothered when I listen to music. I am the kind of person who hates small talks. I need balance yet I fall in extremes. So far there's one person who makes me feel at ease.

Maybe that sounds offensive, but if you prefer me to lie, then treat this post as a joke and move on. Love isn't a word to use in vain and it has already been stained by so many pigs out there that it lost its value. What value can a word that has been used in its most blasphemic and disgusting way possible, have? I tell you that it is no value that most earthlings can grasp and using it will only taint it more.

...Are you still wondering why I like Salad Fingers?

1 comment:

Michael said...

You're right, it's a sacrilege to interrupt good music for questions like "how are you doing?" or "what else is new?"...