Soak Your Mind

© 2009, The Elder
Today as I was talking to my best friend, I came to the conclusion that there's a problem that I haven't talked about in this blog. And I said "I'll blog this!", hoping that one day I'll make myself a T-shirt with this line.

From the start, I am going to EXCLUDE those who have real phobias of water. I am talking about johns and janes, your average idiot, the "boy/girl" next door. I met a lot of people who, with such a serene expression told me that they can't swim. How can one not be able to swim and be serene about it and call himself human?

Let me start by expanding what I talked to my best friend today, for she hates this as well. So, I said: both animals and humans think, the difference is that while animals think instinctively, humans think rationally. Thus, an animal that loves its owner (X) will think of its owner as what he is because of instinct, because if the animal were to have Y as its owner, the animal would bite X and defend Y. You can say: kids will do the same, we don't choose our parents, blah blah. No, we don't (in some philosophies we do, but I won't start that), but the way that animals think is instinctual, they follow these patterns to act in a certain way, even the species of birds that have only a pair and die when the pair dies, act instinctively. Humans, on the other hand, think rationally - I am not in the mood to go on with this as you all know.

Humans are proud of the rational thinking, saying that this is what makes them the coolest in the food chain (if you don't count the worms that eat us after we die, that if we don't choose cremation or embalming). Well, I love to delay my ranting... :D

Now: how can a human call himself human if he can't swim? If you throw even a cat in the water, it will do all it can to survive. If you throw any animal in the water, it won't just wait to die, it will struggle to survive. I previously said in a post that humans start to lack survivalism more and more. The blunt truth is that humans become more and more idiotic.

People that can't swim should be ashamed of themselves and pray that a dog or any animal will buy them as their pets, not viceversa. I find it extremely disturbing to hear a person serenely saying that they cannot swim. It is not something that others should reply with "ah, that's ok", but with "how the hell not??" When you meet someone that says that they cannot swim, humiliate them. If you say that I teach you unorthodox things, then I wonder if laying down and dying like a rag is more orthodox.

There is no excuse to not know how to swim. OH and right now I remembered: the idiots who can't swim and lack survivalism, as I said, are MOST of the ones who go in the deepest waters and then get (post mortem) famous for being the brainwrecks who crossed the barriers. That's because lack of survivalism is linked to idiocy and here I gave you the argument. You don't believe me? Be more careful when you hear this kind of news: in most cases you will hear that the person didn't know how to swim.

Instead of bashing me because you feel "attacked" (which will not turn me into a non-swimmer and will not change my life in any way), go learn how to swim, it might save your life and you won't be just another helpless and annoying wreck OR be a lame-ass in your 30s with those air filled swimming "pillows" for children. :))))) Oh I'll die laughing lookin' at you!


Michael said...

You're being mean... I can't swim because I was born and raised close to the mountains where you won't find any place to learn (except for public pools, and we both know how clean those are...).

I can't even remember the last time my parents took me to the seaside (I was in the 6th grade or something like that) and they didn't bother teaching me how to swim back then (perhaps because they don't know either)... I don't remember how it's like to taste sea water or how my eyes feel if I open them underwater...

This doesn't mean that I don't want to learn, but I wonder when will I have a long vacation on some secluded island in the middle of nowhere, at least for a few weeks to be able to do as I please...

the elder said...

I'm not being mean. "Mean" sunt idiotii care se iau de vopseaua mea de par, "mean" sunt cei care stau in afara patinoarului si rad de cei de pe patinoar, care incearca sa invete sa patineze si, normal, le scad concentrarea, pt ca daca i-ai pune pe ei, ar cadea din picioare fara sa inainteze un cm.

Te sfatuiesc sa te pui pe invatat. Sunt cursuri de inot. Te va ajuta pe tine.

Michael said...

Am o oroare de bazinele de înot de la noi... Am înțeles că te poți alege cu niște micoze destul de urâte, mai ales că am cazuri în familie :(

Totuși, cu prima ocazie când voi ajunge pe undeva unde să pot învăța, fii sigură că nu am să stau prea mult pe gânduri. Și mie îmi place ideea de a face poze sub apă :D

the elder said...

Mai, tu macar esti om normal. Nu te sfatuiesc nici eu sa te duci la bazinele astea, intr-adev sunt pline de boli [in afara de Floreasca, dar e f scump]. Insa vad ca-ti dai seama si tu ca e spre binele tau, asa ca stai lin: o sa inveti si o sa fie bine. Pe tine n-am boala :)) tu nu esti indiferent si nu te-ai duce in adanc daca nu stii sa inoti. Eu ma iau de ignorantii care nici macar nu vor sa invete.